If there is something that I have learnt through this whole process it is that I have managed to surround myself with an awesome group of people and they have been no end of help and support during the shit show (pun intended).
When I first went into hospital it was my partner that dropped me off. Jordan had been amazing throughout the whole experience, being awake with me while I was crying in pain throughout the night and seriously lacking sleep himself as he made sure that I was OK. Since that Jordan has continued to be there every step of the way making sure that everything is ok at home, looking after the dog (Archie), keeping me company while I’ve been in the hospital, talking to me every night (even when he was at work), still going to work and keeping in touch with my Mum when I haven’t been able to. He’s taken trips to the hospital with all of my stuff even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to see me and he has made sure to be positive. It’s just as tough for people that have to support someone with a long term condition especially in the first few days when there isn’t a diagnosis. Jordan hated seeing me in pain and it was so frustrating as I took more and more trips to A&E to be told to go home. We have now had more time apart from this then in the whole rest of our relationship and it was probably made worse by the re-admittance into hospital as we almost knew it was coming. Yet despite all of this, I know that Jordan will be there to welcome me at home when I come home and will continue to support me through what comes next. He’s there to comfort me when I am crying (this happens a lot…) and he is there to laugh with me through the embarrassing stuff. He discusses poo with me and always wants to know what the next steps are to keep me moving forward. If you haven’t worked it out, I think he’s great.
My friends, now as I have blogged about earlier, I do have a number of groups of friends, all of whom have been supporting me while I have been through all of this.
My friendship group are the same bunch of nutters that I have known since Year 7 and I highly doubt they are going to change any time soon. They have been there for the Zoom calls, more discussions of poop but also and so importantly to take my mind off the fact that I am sitting in a hospital. We have celebrated birthdays while I have been in hospital, talked boyfriends and possible boyfriends. Some are more nocturnal than others and have talked to me at 2am in the morning while I have been in pain in the hospital, sending me links to anxiety leaflets to help me through the moments that are really stressful. There are the ones that work at the hospital answering my stupid questions about where WHSmith is, the ones that will just chat shit for the rest of the evening to take my mind off stuff. They have offered me more moral support than I can accept almost and have been my biggest cheerleaders. I dont know how this group came together or stayed together for that matter but it seems that we are stuck with each other now. I know that whatever happens on this little journey that I am taking they will be there to laugh along with it, bring me grapes (when COVID allows) and generally chat utter crap with. I would say I wouldn’t change them for the world but I think they might all be sick if I said that. I don’t often show my gratitude for this lot but there we go, soppy enough yet guys?
Rugby. Rugby Rugby Rugby. I play for an amazing team who I have started to consider as a bit of family. We all come from such different walks of life but there is something about playing the game that is rugby that bonds you in a way that I cant quite explain. The girls have been amazing, checking in on me to make sure that I am alright, sharing their expertise in hospital lingo and places that are and aren’t open and offering to bring me toothpaste when all I had was Minion toothpaste. I’ve joined in the online quizzes from my hospital bed with noone getting angry with me when I needed to stop for a blood pressure check or to go to the toilet. On my first admission they were the reason I got myself dressed up in my sparkly top, straightened my hair and put some make up on (heavens above!) and felt slightly normal for an evening. I cannot express quite how much I am looking forward to post COVID normality to be able to see these ladies again. Whether I will be strong enough to play at the start is yet to be decided but joining back to training will be enough for me. Love you ladies!
Now it gets a bit complicated after this because there are no more neat group of friends, but so many people have been awesome in taking this journey with me. I have friends from uni who have checked in with me daily just to make sure that I am ok, other uni friends that have reached out with advice because they have some knowledge in the field. I have had friends from school come back to me and say that they have the same thing and offer me practical advice and ear to bend. Old work colleagues have made sure that I am keeping touch with reality, talking to me every day about what’s going on in the world and inviting me to quizzes to keep me entertained. My best friend since I was 4 has been there for me when I needed medical advice, using her expertise despite probably being ridiculously busy due to the ongoing pandemic. I am sure that I am missing people who have reached out to me and helped me through stays in hospital. I appreciate each and every person that has even read my facebook posts!
Last but by no means least I have my wonderful family. They have been so incredibly supportive and I am lucky to have them. My parents might be separated but they have come together to provide me with a safety net emotionally and they have worked together to make sure that I am feeling as positive as I possibly can. My Dad lives in a different time zone but despite this he has made sure he has been available for me when I need to talk to him. Mum is in the same country as me and she has taken on a lot of the more practical support, bringing me stuff to the hospital, helping to look after the dog when Jordan and I have needed help, collecting me from the hospital as well as being an ear to bend and someone to listen to me. Both of my parents have gone above and beyond anything I could have ever hoped for and I am truthfully thankful that I was raised by two people who truly care. It has taken me a little bit to work it out but I have slowly realised that despite the fact that I am 26 years old, I am still their little girl and they will always want to be there for me. Currently the closest I have to a child is my step-son, William, who I love dearly, and if I can show him the support and love that my parents have shown me throughout this period then I am doing a good job. It is not the things that they have given me that have really got me through, but the time and advice and support. They have come together to provide me with a safety net that I have reluctantly fallen into. Thank you.
I am hoping in this I have shown that it is important to have a support system around you These are big things that you need to tackle and it is completely acceptable to ask for and accept help. It is never a weakness to accept that you are having a tough time and need a little helping hand. If you surround yourself with people that truly care they will be there for you no matter what shit you throw at them. (That is metaphorical shit, not literal shit).
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